A Dad Without Options

Recently we took in three boys who were surrendered by their dad. They had been referred to us several months ago but we didn't have room at the time. When a sibling group of three left for adoption a few days ago we decided to take them in.

The boys' father could be described in many ways. First, he is extremely vertically challenged. I guess he could accurately be described as a midget. I don't have any idea how his height has impacted his life, how it may have affected his ability to find work. He was married to a woman of normal height, and they had three handsome boys who are not vertically challenged. Recently his wife died and, shortly thereafter, he suffered a stroke that has left his right side partially paralyzed. He has difficulty walking and his speech cannot be understood except by his boys. From all we have heard, he was a hard working man who did all he could to provide for his family. But suddenly that was no longer possible. In the space of a few months he was a single, disabled and destitute parent. He had to bring his boys to a government center to live. He was able to find a place to live where he could help the owner feed the chickens for his room and board. But he had lost just about everything.

I can 't remember ever feeling more sorry for an adult. We have dealt with a lot of people in desperate circumstances in our days in Cebu, but there was something especially pitiful about this man. On the day that he brought the boys to the office he was very concerned about their making a good impression. He knew that CSC was a better place for them than the government center. He wanted us to like them. He was proud of his boys, but he was also dying a little inside, knowing that he had to give them up and what that might mean. He was torn in two, but was trying his best to do what was best for them. His tears when he bid them goodbye - well, they are not something I will probably ever forget.

She Just Needed a Chance

Last night we had a final rehearsal for Jeneviev's recital. It was a chance for her to perform in front of the staff and some of the children, to get a better feel for being in front of a crowd. On Saturday night, Jeneviev will be performing 10 solo numbers on the piano, one flute solo, a quartet with three of her siblings, and a family ensemble with all nine Pelones kids. If last night's rehearsal was any indication, it will be a grand evening for Jeneviev!

Before coming to live at CSC Jeneviev had not had a chance to go to school, much less study music. She has done magnificently well in just 18 months. She has talent and works hard, a great combination for success in music. I was thinking about her progress, and the role that CSC has played in her live. Basically, we just gave her a chance. She always had the potential within her to do well, but life's circumstances had worked against her reaching her potential. When her mom died she became responsible for taking care of the younger eight. It looked like she was destined for a life of difficulty and sacrifice. The best she could have hoped for was to get a job as a house maid. As her mom and grandma before her she would have probably been poor with lots of kids. Finishing her education would have only been a dream for Jeneviev.

People who believe that heredity is the strongest determinant for development would see this generational pattern as proof of the idea that children will become what their parents were. Certainly Jeneviev and her siblings have many personality traits of both their parents. But we would never have known of her potential, her musical talents and her zest for learning if she hadn't come to live with us. CSC is about giving children a chance to be the best they can be, to reach beyond what their parents and grandparents were able to accomplish. We attempt to celebrate the good things that they did inherit, but to open up a world of opportunities and possibilities through education, music, art and a personal relationship with Jesus.

I can't wait for Saturday night.

Ideas

Ideas are funny things, sometimes. A ministry like CSC requires lots of ideas. Ideas about how to best care for the kids, including how to educate, discipline, motivate, encourage and counsel them. We need ideas for planning for the future and for staff recruitment. Those kind of ideas usually come from lots of thinking, praying and collaborating.

But we also need ideas for how to promote the ministry: newsletter articles, layout ideas, color choices, website design, banquet themes, video topics and editing techniques. The creative side of running an organization. For a ministry like ours, we must run our ideas through several filters. Is it a true depiction of the ministry? Is it real and not glitzy? Does it honor God? Will it appeal to our supporters, who constitute a variety of ages and backgrounds?

Sometimes ideas come right to me, as if dropped on my head by an angel. Other times they come very slowly and painfully. That's particularly true when it comes to recurring things like banquets and newsletters. How can we present things that are fresh and exciting? Since the nature of our ministry doesn't change much, even though our children do, it is challenging to find different aspects of CSC to present, or different ways to talk about the same things. Because although some of our donors are new, many have been around for a long time. Some have been with us since the very beginning of the ministry.

At the current time we are working on a whole new look for our website. We have recently instituted changes to our newsletter format and are now offering an e-news option. We are looking into doing some podcasting and putting more video on our website. And we are thinking about better ways to communicate with our Foster Friends sponsors.

We need waves of new and fresh ideas all the time. And we need to surrender creative control of CSC to the One who created the universe from nothing.

Giving Examined

I've been thinking lately about what motivates people to give. We think about that at CSC. What is it about our ministry that inspires such faithful giving from our supporters? What can we do, if anything, to fan that flame and keep people motivated?

The other day I was confronted by a young girl who was begging at McDonalds. She stands right next to the drive-through window so when you get your food she is ready for you. I don't go to McDonalds a lot, but I have seen her there several times. Living in the Philippines, one is confronted with beggars every day, sometimes many times. I will confess that I don't always give. But this girl at McDonalds always gets something from me. Recently, as I pulled away I got to thinking about why I always respond to her and not others. I think its a combination of guilt and comparative thinking.

When you're buying something to feed your face, and a young girl is standing there, hungry and without a lot of hope in life, its hard to turn away. As I'm grabbing for my junk food she is reaching out her hand to ask for coins that I just received in change. Why should I have a nice lunch while she goes hungry?

The other thing is that when I see that girl I think of some kids at CSC that look a lot like her. The other night while I was on duty at the Cherne Home I asked some of the girls about begging. Most had been forced to do it before they came to CSC. They had stories of people who were mean and about those who ignored them. They mentioned being expected to get a certain amount before they could quit. When I see the girl at McDonalds or other kids begging around the city I remember D. L. Moody's comment about a drunk staggering in the street near his car: but for the grace of God, there walks D. L. Moody. Yes, but for the grace of God, there is any number of our kids, standing on a corner, trying to establish eye contact, holding out a skinny arm in hopes of getting a few coins, asking for charity from people who, usually, don't want to be bothered. It makes me thankful that we have been able to rescue some kids from this type of life, and profoundly sad that others have to suffer in this way.

I've had CSC supporters tell me that they think of their own kids when they read the sad stories of children who have come to live with us. The contrast is disquieting, to be sure. They think about the luxuries they enjoy and that their kids receive daily. Through the ministry of CSC they are able to look into the eyes of kids not unlike the girl I see at McDonalds, and respond.

An Amazing Woman

Tonight we will go to the home of John Ray and Rufa Mae for Rufa's birthday party. We will get a chance to spend time with this amazing family and to celebrate with them this special day.

John Ray and Rufa Mae both have Osteogenesis Imperfecta, more commonly known as brittle bone disease. They were born with this affliction. Neither can walk. Both have very brittle bones that can easily fracture, even with minimal contact. Even a hard cough or sneeze could conceivably cause one of their bones to break. They have to be pushed in wheelchairs to get to school, and need help in getting to the bathroom and getting dressed. Although they are both able to attend our Children of Hope School and are bright and dearly loved by everyone they meet, they are dependent on their family members for almost everything. Most of all, they rely on their mom, Alice.

Alice is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. She is totally dedicated to her kids, and this commitment is tested every day. She is their defender, comforter and, to a large extend, provider. She sees that the other kids don't get too close, as even a small bump could be disasterous. She brings them to the Shelter to catch a short ride to the school. This involves carrying them, one by one, down the stairs from their home. By this time of the morning, she has already been up for several hours, cooking food. Alice not only feeds her own family, she prepares meals for sale to our teachers and some of the workers on our construction site. She has to go to the market at night to purchase this food, so Alice is usually on the go from dawn until after dark. Her husband is a farmer, and sells fruits and vegetables in the large market in Cebu City. He has to travel back and forth to their land in the mountains. So most of the care of their two special needs children is on Alice's shoulders. And she does it with so much love.

Sometimes I think about Alice's life, and how there is almost no part in it that isn't either work or the care of her children. She has no hobbies, no personal time and no opportunities to "crash." Every day, all day, she sees to the needs of her kids. And these needs will never change. They will need her for their entire lives. She doesn't have the luxury to feel sorry for herself or for her kids. She has to cook, get her kids' clothes ready and see that they are comfortable and safe. And she is the primary source of encouragement for them when they hurt.

I remember the first time we went to the house of Rufa Mae and John Ray. At the time, before we built them a home near the Shelter, they were living in a small home belonging to their aunt in a hilly area outside of the city. I brought a bunch of the kids to see them and we brought some groceries and treats. I remember how Alice cried that day. She had probably come to the conclusion that her kids would never have friends who would come over, that they would never be the center of positive attention and would not have opportunities for friendship, interaction and the chance to go to school. She had seen her kids suffer so much and live such isolated lives, that seeing a troup of kids come in their small house with gifts and smiles and expressions of love was almost overwhelming.

Having John Ray and Rufa Mae in our school has been a great blessing for eveyone. Getting to know Alice has been an added blessing. She is the embodiment of the concept of selflessness.

August musings

I'll have my 54th birthday in a couple days. I've been thinking back to when I was 24 and we were heading out to Cebu to start this ministry. "Greenhorn" doesn't begin to explain just how naive and inexperienced I was, stepping off that plane in 1979. I hadn't studied linguistics, missiology, theology, management, languages or organizational administration in college. I didn't have a master plan, core values or a mission statement. I hadn't thought of affiliations, networks or development plans. I can imagine that there were some people who wondered about my ability to lead this ministry back in the day. I wondered.

Just about everything that I have learned about running a child caring ministry and managing an organization I have learned on the job. In order to lead CSC I have had to learn about public speaking, organizational life, Board management, fund raising, promotional writing, event planning, newsletter production, video and music editing, administration, government relations, adoption work, human resource management, capital campaigning, budgeting and a bunch of other stuff. Some of this I have learned pretty well - some not so well. The CSC Board, my fellow staff members, our Filipino workers and our CSC supporters have been patient with me, and the other "greenhorns" over the years as we have learned by our mistakes as we have worked to build a quality ministry and an organization to fund it.

One of the things about this kind of work is that it is humbling. Just when you think you've got everything figured out, something happens to deflate your bubble. And when you think you have developed a good system, things change. People change. Values change. The economy changes. Kids needs change. Laws and government policies change. Technology changes.

But God doesn't change. The same God that put us on that airplane almost 30 years ago, the One who gave us the resolve and the strength to start the ministry against pretty significant odds, and the God who has provided vision and endurance and tons of joy over the years is still in control. He's here at CSC. He still cares. And He still believes in me and the others who help me lead CSC.

And He will be with me at 54 and all the other ages of my life. What a great life He has given me and Marlys here in Cebu City! Thanks for being a part of it with your gifts and prayers and friendship.

Perks

This job comes with a lot of benefits. We don't have big salaries or extensive retirement plans. But the things that happen around here every day provide lots of emotional rewards:

Lots has been written on this site about Sheila May and the recent recon-
structive surgery that she had on her face. It was a glorious thing and we all have been celebrating with her. We talk about the fact that she was a beautiful girl before the surgery, and that God has only improved on that beauty in an outer way. We talk in those platitudes, of course, but the simple practical fact is that, when she looks in the mirror she doesn't see the hole that used to be there! Her smile isn't any more radiant now, perhaps. But she can walk into any situation now and not feel self conscious. A couple of hours of plastic surgery have changed her life! I remember back to the first day when we saw Sheila May and her siblings inside the pastors home in Lapu-Lapu City. Jonathan and Lois Larson were with us and these kids were still reeling from the loss of both of their parents within a few months. There was no joy in that family of kids. Every meal was a big concern. I think of the staff meetings where we discussed the idea of taking them in and how that day eventually came. And now we have the perks of being able to watch them grow, go to school, and, for Sheila, get a new and even more beautiful shape to her face.


The other day I took a peek into the Eicher Home nursery and saw John Nino and Danielle, two of the cutest little smiling babies you can imagine. They are healthy, happy and enjoying the attention of the aunties and staff at CSC. Their futures are bright; soon they will be matched with adoptive families somewhere in the world. But back a few months both were abandoned in a government hospital as newborns. Nursing mothers in the hospital helped save their lives, and CSC eventually took them home. From a hopeless situation their lives are now filled with hope.

Yesterday we had a baseball game to help celebrate the birthday of CSC staff member Amy Luck. The kids were psyched and it was a great game. I noticed one of our newest kids, John, having a ball playing baseball. He came to live with us on June 3, but was in isolation for a couple of weeks, due to tuberculosis. He was able to join the kids for the start of school in the 23rd, and he hasn't stopped smiling since his first minute at CSC. John and his sister Jocelyn, came to us together, and they are the older siblings of Jovan and Jeralyn. Jovan was the extremely malnourised 11 month old about whom much has been recorded on this site. Those kids grew up in abject poverty and never had a chance to run and play in a safe environment before coming ot live with us. Watching him run around the baseball field, and learn to hit and field was a whole lot of fun for me and the rest of the staff.


This ministry can be difficult and emotionally draining. We work long hours and have many issues to deal with every day. But it is a lot of fun, too, and provides all of us with emotional rewards that are so sweet.